Date:3-Sovling Problems As a Couple

Preface:  I do not have a perfect relationship, I'm only 2 months into marriage and the honeymoon stage is over we disagree. Big surprise right? Not really because every couple disagrees every couple has points where they don't see eye to eye and where they don't get along. What matters is how you manage that conflict and how you come to an agreement. 

What we learned from the book: We started this the way we always do by reading the chapter out of the book (which by the way to can like on the link to it  Here) and as always I learned something new that helps my relationship. 69% of the issues that a couple deals with don't just go away they have to be deal and managed so neither of you gets offend or hurt. There are also several type of conflict management styles.

 1.) The Turtle:When conflict arises, they withdraw.
 2.) The Skunk:Attack when threatened master of put downs.
 3.) The Beaver: Avoid problem by keeping themselves busy.
 4.) The Chameleon: Constantly giving in to fix problem,
 5.) The Owl:Avoid conflict through facts, deals with facts only facts,
 6.) The Gorilla: Must win argument at all cost. 

We where able to identify how we tend to ague I am a Turtle and a Beaver  I either avoid the problem by keeping myself busy or by just withdrawing from it all together. Chase is a Owl sometimes he can be very intellectual about problems and avoid them because he doesn't see the feeling reasoning. Identifying these helped us to see where we needed improvements. From here we made a anger contract which is how we will solve conflicts from now on in anger. From now on I will have to speak up when I am upset inset of just letting it fuel m anger and Chase will try to be more understating of my feelings. We will instead of yelling or being upset first identify the problem, second Identify who is in need of help and need the most love at that time,  third figure out how to address issue and talk about it and last make a plan of action in how to deal with it in the future. Also just understanding that we are not always going to agree and that is OK as long as we both can voice our options nicely and be able to continue to have a open discussion.


DATE TIME: 
For this date we decided to go to the temple then watch a movie I know not everyone here is religious and you don't have to be but for us the temple is a way to refocus out relationship and remember our prioritizes in each other and our religion. Depending on who you are and what you and your spouse values are this could be replaced with many activities from volunteering at homeless shelters to Yoga or rock climbing. By doing a activity that reaffirms why you are in this together is makes it easier when your in a angry moment to realize why you love them and why you are together. Out date was fun we shared a lot of humor and where able to talk about out anger and how we deal with thing we where able to talk about one issues of phone games in bed and I was able to say my options on it and he was his and we where able to come to a agreement without any anger. It was good day.