- 2:59 PM
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- 2:59 PM
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"
Preparation: Before we even went on a date we started by reading the first chapter of "10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage" By:David and Claudia Arp. I can't lie having only been married a month, and with life being pretty good I didn't think a book like this was for me and my spouse yet. I pictured a older couple with the flames of love dying. (Dramatic I know) But the truth is it's never too early or too late to start dating your spouse again. The chapter started us out by taking a trip down memory lane we where able to talk about our "love story" and why we love each other and when you get caught up in all the mundane things about life it's easy to forget why you are choosing your marriage. We talked about tinder and how different we are but the little things we love about each other he loves that I care about others and I love that he doesn't doubt himself like I do it was neat experience to take that time to just talk about why we are together and what we love it was a very meaningful conversation and one I wouldn't have had without a book.
Date 1: We wanted to do something fun that would make us both laugh and enjoy each others company and something were we could both talk for us that was sledding despite the fact that it is freezing here in Idaho and I hate the cold. It was something to get me out of my comfort zone and open up. Also I fell of the sled a few time and had so much fun I forgot to take pictures.Which brought us to next part of the book which is what is great about us and for us it's the fact that we can do new things together and try new things. This date really did make it to we understood that even with all the things that we are going to face and are going to have to do that we choose our marriage we choose each other and we are going to make this our life's priority.
Post Date: Our homework is to read chapter 2 and look for positive ways to improve our marriage my goal is to not be so negative.
Preparation: Before we even went on a date we started by reading the first chapter of "10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage" By:David and Claudia Arp. I can't lie having only been married a month, and with life being pretty good I didn't think a book like this was for me and my spouse yet. I pictured a older couple with the flames of love dying. (Dramatic I know) But the truth is it's never too early or too late to start dating your spouse again. The chapter started us out by taking a trip down memory lane we where able to talk about our "love story" and why we love each other and when you get caught up in all the mundane things about life it's easy to forget why you are choosing your marriage. We talked about tinder and how different we are but the little things we love about each other he loves that I care about others and I love that he doesn't doubt himself like I do it was neat experience to take that time to just talk about why we are together and what we love it was a very meaningful conversation and one I wouldn't have had without a book.
Post Date: Our homework is to read chapter 2 and look for positive ways to improve our marriage my goal is to not be so negative.
- 12:35 PM
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New At This
I got married a little over 3 weeks ago, needless to say I'm a bit new at this marriage thing. I want to start off this eternal relationship off on the right foot though :) I just didn't know where to start... Cooking, Cleaning, Job hunting, tending to my husbands needs and mine. I got a bit lost in all my new "Wife Duties" and we haven't had as much quality time (time where we just enjoy each-other, listen to another, grow together and just have FUN.) But this is my experiment to make sure every week, we get that time together because I'm vowing to make marriage a priority. So over the next few week Me and Chase (the husband) will be going on 10 Great Dates (Resource above) one a week to strengthen our marriage and start us off on the right foot it will need some creativity (we are poor college students) but it will be worth it. So get ready to come along on this journey with us.
- 8:50 PM
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May 29th 2015 Started Dating-
September 25th Engagement -
- 2:34 PM
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Why is Dating So Important for Marriage?
- Dating gives the couple a chance to share an emotional (and sometimes physical) connection necessary to marital success.
“Whether people are struggling to save a marriage, to cooperate in a family crisis, or to build rapport with a difficult boss, they usually have one thing in common: They need to share emotional information that can help them feel connected.” –John Gottman, The Relationship Cure
- When couples spend time together and get to know one another, they are able to rekindle their love for one another, thus deterring them from reaching divorce.
“Based on our research, I believe that failure to connect is a major cause of our culture’s high divorce rate.” –John Gottman, The Relationship Cure
- Dating allows the couple to unwind from the stresses of life, therefore letting them reconnect and affecting their families for the better.
“Family stress caused by a couple’s failure to connect can also affect the well-being of their children. Our studies show that children raised in homes with a high level of marital hostility have chronically elevated levels of stress hormones." –John Gottman, The Relationship Cure
- Dating gives the couple a chance to renew their relationship and establish a bond of friendship,
“Studies show that people with good friends usually have less stress and live longer. They have better health, higher resistance to infection, and stronger immune functioning, and they recover more quickly from illness.” –John Gottman, The Relationship Cure
- When couples choose to spend time together doing fun activities on dates, they are more likely to establish a sense of humor in their relationship that can be beneficial later on.
“…such playfulness is extremely good for relationships. What does it require? A willingness to turn toward another’s sense of silliness, give oneself over to the moment, and have a little bit of fun.” –John Gottman, The Relationship Cure
- On dates, couples have the chance to discuss their hopes, dreams, and plans for the future. Sometimes, talking about these things can encourage one spouse to make a change in their life or pursue one of their own dreams.
“Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop. What holds us back is often courage. A love spouse can supply that all-important catalyst.” –Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages
Destiny Ending or Fateful Fall;Do you Spend Intentional Time on your Relationship?
Statistically speaking, the
“U.S. marriage rate is at an all-time low—only 51% of adults were
married in 2011, according to U.S. Census Bureau statistics. (Cohn)”[1]
Much of the research
regarding strong marriages is centered on communication and maintaining
that romantic ‘spark’ as well as other important factors to building a
successful relationship. I’d like to focus on the important factor of
spending intentional ‘de-stressing’ time on yourself and your spouse.
Stephen Covey wrote about the concept of ‘Sharpening the Saw’[2] which
equates to spending a short time on yourself weekly so that you aren’t
wasting your time with a dull blade the rest of the week. Your
relationship requires just as much intentional time as you do in order
to perform at its peak levels.
Think of the ways that you
de-stress personally; this can include the much craved Netflix hours to
hiking, or the hour of cardio at the gym that really gives you the
release you need . Whatever stresses you out during the week, from
chauffeuring children around to all of their activities to the imminent
deadlines from work and/or school, there is something that makes it all
better on the weekend even if it is reruns of fantastic basketball plays
or a soak in the tub.
A relationship needs that
de-stressing time, because it is stressed weekly just as much as the
individuals within it are. From having a lack of communication, to
getting cranky at each other from a lack of sleep, or even just not
being able to see each other during daylight hours due to work
conflicts, a relationship takes its hits.
“Stress is one of the biggest
threats to a strong marriage or relationship. Stress related to work,
finances, parenthood, or illness can prove corrosive to a relationship,
insofar as it causes one or both partners to become irritable,
withdrawn, violent, or otherwise difficult to live with. (Dew)”[3]
There is a plethora of ways
to de-stress your relationship from a formal date night to couch
crashing for a movie marathon together, but to more effectively
de-stress I recommend these activities:
- Treat Yourself! Whether it is a favorite game you both enjoy, a favorite place to go, or your favorite meal, take turns treating yourself to the things you love.
- Get in Some Hot Water! It can come from a natural hot springs, a hot tub at your gym, in your neighborhood, or even some theoretical hot water with a little adrenaline-pumping adventure by trying something new!
If these ideas don’t float your
boat, make a list with your partner of your favorite activities and pick
one each week or refer to our date night blog[4] for hundreds of other date night ideas to de-stress your relationship.
Bibliography
Cohn, D'Vera. Pew Research Center Social and Demographic Trends. 13 February 2013. 9 March 2015.
Covey, Stephen R. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press , 1989.
Dew, W. Bradford Wilcox & Jeffrey. The National Marriage Project - The Date Night Opportunity . May 2012. PDF Document . 13 March 2015.
Larson, Aaron. Great Dates Houston. July 2015. 28 July 2015 .
[1]http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/02/13/love-and-marriage/
[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People
[3] http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/NMP-DateNight.pdf
[4] http://greatdateshouston.blogspot.com/
- 2:19 PM
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Dating Tips
While we have created this resource for
married couples. The reality is that people in all stages of
relationships can benefit from these ideas so if you are not married
just modify the language in your head to fit your relationship status.
What would happen if you only made withdrawals from your checking account? For awhile everything would be just fine but eventually your balance would hit zero. The same is true for your relationship account. Because neither of you are perfect it is impossible not to make withdrawals from your relationship bank account. As long as the sum of your deposits are greater than the sum of your withdrawals then you will never have to experience relationship bankruptcy.
Going on dates with your spouse can be a lot of fun and is a great way to make deposits into your relationship account.
If everyone who reads this tip decides to start dating their spouse on a weekly basis guess how many couples will actually do it? Zero! You can't just decide to do something you have to DO IT!!! Deciding is just the first step. All actions begin as thoughts but not all thoughts become actions.
So take action right now and call your spouse and set up a date for this week.
If you want to get into the habit of dating your spouse each week we recommend you use a Track It To a Habit Log TM. This tool can help you establish the habit of dating your spouse every week. To print the worksheet click here. Instead of scoring yourself on a daily basis, score yourself on a weekly basis as you go on your date.
Why Should You Keep Dating?
What would happen if you only made withdrawals from your checking account? For awhile everything would be just fine but eventually your balance would hit zero. The same is true for your relationship account. Because neither of you are perfect it is impossible not to make withdrawals from your relationship bank account. As long as the sum of your deposits are greater than the sum of your withdrawals then you will never have to experience relationship bankruptcy.
Going on dates with your spouse can be a lot of fun and is a great way to make deposits into your relationship account.
How Can You Start Dating Your Spouse Again?
If everyone who reads this tip decides to start dating their spouse on a weekly basis guess how many couples will actually do it? Zero! You can't just decide to do something you have to DO IT!!! Deciding is just the first step. All actions begin as thoughts but not all thoughts become actions.
So take action right now and call your spouse and set up a date for this week.
If you want to get into the habit of dating your spouse each week we recommend you use a Track It To a Habit Log TM. This tool can help you establish the habit of dating your spouse every week. To print the worksheet click here. Instead of scoring yourself on a daily basis, score yourself on a weekly basis as you go on your date.
Healthy Marriage Dating Tips
1. HAVE FUN
Get out of your comfort zone so you can create memories that will last a life time.
2. No FIGHTING
It is critical that you commit to making
your dates a conflict free time zone. The reason why you are going on
the date is to strengthen your relationship and fighting will only
damage it. As soon as you feel a conflict coming on take a time out,
commit to discussing the issue at a specific time in the future and immediately start a trip down memory lane by sharing some of your
favorite memories you have had together.
3. No talking about problems.
There is plenty of time in the week to
discuss problems. While you are on a date should never be one of those
times. Dating is a time for having fun and strengthening your
relationship.
4. HAVE FUN
Didn't we already mention that! But
some couples need to be reminded so here is your reminder. Make the
choice to HAVE FUN on your date!!!
- 11:29 AM
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